We are in an evolving stage within society, where women are finally starting to be given the opportunity to shine for their abilities. We see more women CEO’s now than ever, single mums doing an amazing job, successful female athletes and so on. It’s a wonderful thing to see that we are “allowed”/free to express our ability to just make things happen. Having been one of these women who was climbing the corporate ladder and ended up in high management roles, I also noticed a decline in my feminine energy. I became so focused on constantly doing, on being on the move to continue to achieve, to get things done, to work in competitive markets. Whilst this was bringing me more financial growth, success and recognition, I became more and more distanced with my feminine self. Looking back, I understand why people would say they felt intimidated by me, but in that moment I couldn’t really see why. My internal self was soft and sweet, but the way I was projecting myself was with such a strong force of achieving everything I wanted which was simply confusing. So why did this happen?
Feminine energy is known as nurturing, one of connection, of constant flow, soft in approach and gentle in actions. This doesn’t mean we cannot be leaders, on the contrary this is what makes us fantastic leaders. But due to the competitive dynamic we have been taught to strive between men and women, we strive to become more masculine in the way we go about things. We want to show that we can be just as productive as men are, so we take on a more dominant approach. This is of course not our fault, but in this state we ignore that inner female power we truly have. Being a strong female does not mean we have to give up being nurturing, kind and flexible to change. On the contrary, these are some of our best qualities that make us amazing and strong. We don’t need to become like a man in order to run a company, hold a household, or be really good at what we do, we can just be ourselves and embrace all that we are.
I have been in a conundrum about this, because over the years I have become so used to taking on the role of The independent woman, being able to do everything for myself, and whilst this felt good, my relationships with men failed. Most of my ex boyfriends would say to me that they felt as though they couldn’t give me anything, and for years I was so confused about what they meant until recently when I finally gave myself the time to reflect and understand it all. I wanted to feel protected, loved and looked after, but because I was able to do that for myself, I did not allow them space to do it also. In the end, we’d end up breaking up, because the energies would not match. When a relationship has too much masculine energy, it simply won’t work. My inner feminine energy was craving the man to appreciate me as a goddess, a soft gentle female because naturally those qualities are within me. But how I have been expressing myself over the years has completely blocked this energy to be shown to others. I was completely depriving myself from feeling all these wonderful qualities and being adored, because I was so focused on constantly achieving, of being on the go all the time that moments like these brought very little for me.
So what are some aspects we can focus on to connect with our feminine energy?
The energy centre in the body which governs the feminine energy is the sacral chakra, located in the pelvic area. Its element is water because it flows and moves freely. As women, we need to learn how to become more connected with our physical body. Our body is naturally curvy and softer than a man’s. Don’t confuse this for less strength though, let’s not forget we are able to carry a little one inside of us for 9 months. Look at yourself in the mirror naked, and start to appreciate every curve, every part of yourself. Honour your body and its amazing ability to move freely. Touch your skin and feel how soft and sensitive it is. Appreciate your breasts and don’t be afraid to wear clothing that emphasise these, not to show off to men but to embrace your womanhood. Play some music and just let your body flow to the rhythm, without any outcome other than exploring your feminine self. Yoga is a great way to channel our femininity by connecting with our body and its movement. Some poses focus solely on activating the sacral chakra and it’s truly magical when you allow your body to naturally move. Activating the sacral chakra requires us to move our hip area freely, to just let go and simply allow the hips to move, opening and releasing all the tension built in over the years, whether this is physical, mental or emotional. When we release this tightness, we feel lighter, more creative and open to exploring our sensuality and femininity. It’s important to note that the way you dress doesn’t necessarily define your feminine energy. You could wear the most sophisticated dresses, but if you project a strong-willed, powerful and loud character, your femininity takes a back seat. In the same way, you can also wear a pair of jeans and a casual tee and still be very feminine. It’s all in the energetic field, not in the physical realm.
This one was a biggie for me and in some ways I am still learning to become comfortable with receiving. Having learnt to do everything on my own for many years, I did not accept any help from others. It’s true I was able to do it all on my own, but this came with a price and that was stress and becoming so hard on myself. The feminine energy receives openly without having to analyse everything. This type of energy empowers us to invite others to help us at times, by acknowledging that even if we can do everything ourselves, we can also welcome others to help. A few months ago, I was walking to the airport in Naxos to catch a flight. The airport was about 10 minutes away from the place I was staying at and my good friend who is a man offered to walk with me. My suitcase was heavy and two of the wheels broke, so it was very difficult to drag behind me. He offered to carry the suitcase, and I kindly declined saying it’s not that heavy. Knowing me very well, after a few minutes of walking he stopped, looked at me and asked me again. I said it was not a problem, that I could do it. He then looked at me again and said “Miriam, this is your problem. I know you can do it, I can see you struggling without you showing it but I want to do it for you, it’s in my nature, let me help you”. Not really understanding the big fuss, I allowed him to carry my suitcase. Arriving at the airport he looked at me, sweaty and puffing and said “Woman you are really something. This suitcase is heavy and broken, how can you just carry it with such ease? You are a woman, let a man help you sometimes!” And it is then I realised the masculine energy within me was still the dominant one. I realised that I have been so hard on myself and deprived my feminine energy to the point that even physically challenging experiences would no longer get to me. Although I thought this was great at first, I also realised that it was not healthy for my inner womanhood. Accepting help doesn’t make us weaker, it simply allows us to be looked after whilst always knowing that if it came to it, we could handle any situation on our own.
The throat chakra or vishudi is the energy centre in the body responsible for the way we communicate and express our ideas to the world. By nature, women who have a balanced feminine energy of expressing themselves are just as great listeners as they are communicators. Think of a female friend who is so open to listening before she provides her opinion. And then think of another female friend who communicates very freely but does not really listen. Which one is more enjoyable to be around? The feminine self is not afraid to listen, pause and then speak. A masculine energy approach is always more inclined to debate and express opinions first, fighting for what they believe is right. Neither is wrong nor it should be denied, but as women we have this amazing ability within ourselves to channel our inner power by listening, by being open to allow others to express themselves, knowing that we are completely comfortable with our own truth and not needing to impose this on anybody else. And when we do decide to speak, we do so with grace and ease.
Tapping into your feminine energy doesn’t mean giving up your goals, dreams and denying yourself from your abilities. It means being a strong, empowered and confident woman who remains true to her natural state of also being understanding, compassionate and kind. A nurturing woman can be an amazing leader, just as a strong-willed man can do so. The secret is not in the outcome, but in the way we manifest our behaviour. It’s not wrong to be strong, independent and powerful, but always keep your natural feminine edge because that is what makes us unique and remain true to ourselves.